Mentionsy

How's it going?

Did you think that was a little cringy?

polite conversation in the states small talk is a huge part of the culture and it creates a friendly atmosphere wherever you are at work at the store traveling or at a party small talk helps us connect with others and it could lead to establishing real friendships

In this episode I'll be going over how we approach people and what we talk about and how we listen and answer others to get good and comfortable with small talk or chitchat in English.

You could be new to a job or a class in school and want to break the ice with someone you'll be sitting next to.

When they happen naturally, icebreakers can be a fun way to make you and the person you're talking to feel more relaxed together.

Just last week I took her to a baby gym class and at the beginning we sat in a circle and went around the room saying something special about our kids.

She's the coolest girl.

Sometimes you want to create a connection and establish a relationship with someone, which is what we mean when we say build rapport.

This usually happens over a longer period, not with small talk here or there alone, but small talk is usually what builds that foundation.

If you and this person you just met connect on familiar topics and find that you have things in common, you will most likely create a positive bond that you will build upon.

Small talk is a part of social skills that we become better at the more we do it and the more we practice.

If you don't enjoy small talk and you don't think you're good at it, maybe that's a sign that you should challenge yourself.

I didn't like walking into a room full of people because I never wanted the attention to be on me.

I can't think of any real insecurities I had, but for some reason I just thought I didn't belong or someone would find something about me to point out and I don't know.

To get good at small talk, you may want to get into the right mindset.

Tell yourself things that will make it easier for you to participate in the conversation like I'm interested in what others have to say and I'm a likable person.

Off the cuff or spontaneous things you say are easier to come up with when they're genuine.

And as they say, when you're honest and truthful, you don't have to remember what you said.

What if you wanted to approach someone while you were both waiting for the elevator in your hotel?

Today you're waiting for the elevator together and the elevator is very slow, so you know it's going to be a long wait.

You've both acknowledged each other and made eye contact.

At this point you feel familiar with each other since you've seen each other a few times before this.

He's not on the phone and he doesn't seem to be in a rush, so you say, We just missed the elevator.

It'll be a few long minutes.

These elevators are super slow.

Now he's heard your voice for the first time.

It would be nice if this person answered in agreement or with a joke, but if he doesn't follow that up with anything, but a smile or a head nod,

You can add, I think I've heard you speak Italian at breakfast yesterday.

Are you from Italy?

Again, if he gives you any kind of positive answer, a good way to follow that up is with a personal connection to Italy.

I try to visit often.

And if you haven't been, it's okay to say, I've always wanted to visit Italy.

But since it is small talk, you can end there.

You were pleasant and polite.

And you made the awkward silence less awkward.

If the other person adds to the conversation, you could just follow his lead.

One thing about small talk, you usually end up saying something that you think of in the moment, spontaneously.

For example, when you give someone a compliment, you usually don't do it because you've been thinking about it for long.

Since I like fashion and I know most women do, I like to compliment women on something they're wearing.

I always mean what I say, so when it comes across genuine, it's because it is.

I love your dress, I say to strangers on the street all the time.

The answer I get is thank you.

And although I'm not looking for a conversation,

If I really, really love the dress, I may ask her where it's from.

You never know when someone is having a bad day and maybe telling that person that they look great will make it a little better.

It really doesn't hurt to be nice.

It gave us something to chat about right away and later on became something that came up in the conversation often and helped us build a fun, comfortable relationship.

The point here is small gestures can go a long way.

I'll give you some topics and an example that goes with that topic.

You can comment on the current situation or observation.

People love talking about themselves.

If the setting is right, like a party or a wedding, you can get a little more personal than you would in public.

Are you from the groom's side or the bride's side?

How did you and Anna meet?

If someone's shirt has a name of a city you just got back from, it may mean you have something in common.

Another great conversation starter is asking someone for an opinion.

I was just at a work party where there was a bunch of food and drink stations in one room.

I was there with a friend and we would ask people whether or not the food was good and worth standing in line for.

Oftentimes you'll find yourself starting small talk, but asking general and lighthearted questions at work.

is not going well they may tell you a little bit about that morning commutes to work are a big topic and when there was an accident on the road or the subway was slow we feel the need to tell others about it and regarding the second question when someone is excited for something they're planning to do this weekend they will also share that excitement with you

We used to laugh about this because I would always say, what is it about you that makes people want to approach you?

Eventually, I realized that a lot of it has to do with her facial expressions and body language.

It's not a secret to anyone listening that Slavic girls don't smile at strangers.

Sometimes our facial expression gives the impression that we're angry or annoyed.

Making eye contact, smiling warmly, standing up straight,

And speaking clearly and loudly enough makes a person more approachable.

The most common ways to wrap up a conversation are to say, Well, it was nice seeing you.

If you just met the person you can end it by saying It was really nice to meet you.

If you were actively listening to the person you were speaking with, asked them questions about themselves and shared your own thoughts or experiences, then I'm sure it went well.

Be honest and curious.

If you have any questions about this or any other episode, email me at viola at naturalneangielski.com.

And if you're enjoying the content, leave me a rating, a comment or a review wherever you listen to podcasts.